This is not really a review. It is a conversation Connie (remember, my English-accented conscience) and I having a conversation as we attempted to make our way through the novel.
Connie: Ooo, I remember reading the first one in this series. It was quite entertaining.
Me: I’m glad you enjoyed it. I enjoyed it too.
Connie: Well duh. You enjoyed it cuz I enjoyed it.
Me: Shush. I’m reading.
Silence. Reading commences.
Connie: Whut?
Me: Let’s keep reading.
Connie: She’s annoying me.
Me: I know but we enjoyed the first one. Let’s give it a few more pages.
A few more pages.
Connie: Okay, is she really that dense? Can she not understand why he’s being such a jackass.
Me: She’s a teenager. They are drunk on emotion.
Connie: I’m rolling my eyes at you.
Me: You don’t have eyes to roll.
Connie: Well, if I had eyes, I would be rolling them! You can bet your money on that!
Time passes. Bees buzz.
Connie: Okay, this girl? I don’t even… He calls her names, he treats her like shit, okay yeah, I know that he “loves” her and is hurting her for “her own good” but COME ON NOW, HIT HIM, HIT HIM WITH SOMETHING HARD AND MAKE HIM CRY.
Me: Connie?
Connie: *snarl* What?
Me: Calm down.
Connie: I’m quite calm, thank you.
Time passes. A baby grows up.
Connie: So she just…like…are you sure this is the same character as in the last book? The strong one who kicked that iron king’s ass? Or did she get kidnapped by fictional aliens and get replaced by a whiny, screaming, melodramatic teen queen? Uh princess?
Me: Fictional aliens?
Connie: When are we reading till?
Me: I kinda like Ash.
Connie: The verbal abuser?
Me: *dirty look*
Connie: Okay, okay, I concede. He’s hot. I like him too. And god, Puck is irritating. He’s kicking a dead horse. And that wench, she’s kissing him. Let’s read until she gets some power.
Me: *reads*
Connie: Why is the Iron Horse a black guy?
Me: I have no idea.
Connie: What do you think it means?
Me: I think you think too much.
Connie: Well duh.
Me: *reads*
Connie: That’s it? One page of ass kicking and she’s back to being saved? Whut?
Me: Well…at least there was Ash.
Connie: If you ever make me read stuff like this again, I’m going to…well, I don’t know what I’m going to do but it’s going to be terrible!
…
