Yesterday I defended my thesis successfully. I got an approval form and all. I even got cookies, brownies, hugs and flowers. People said VERY nice things about the novel I wrote and while I am still disbelieving that my book deserves that much praise, I am happy that I’m done with the school part of life.
But last night, the uncertainties set in. I’m done with school and now I have to find a job. Actually, it’s imperative that I find a gig that actually pays me money instead of cake because I need to pay back loans and stuff. But now what? Who am I now? I find myself in a liminal space usually occupied by people who always skirt the edges of society not choosing to participate but not willing to set themselves apart either.
I want to live now. Experience things. Probably shatter some glasses, plates and hearts. I want to buy stuff, see vistas I usually can’t. I just want to live.
But I need to do something. I’m going to start research on book the two because until I find a job, I cannot actually do anything fun because money. Ya know? And reading because, well, what else would I do?
I think I’m most sad about losing my bus pass. Sighhhh. I love my bus pass.
Maybe more (whiny) blog posts in the future of this blog. My apologies in advance.