I’m feeling slightly human right now and this feeling moves me to blog, a personal somewhat incoherent ramble, about life, reading, and that’s it. I’m not even going to talk about writing right now because I’m not feeling that human. I’m also eating extra-strong Cepacol which numbs my tongue which in turn angers me. I have learned that I do not like numb tongues.
I ate a sleeping pill the other day because insomnia is an unfortunate fact of my life now, and I remember being utterly terrified that I would not be able able to wake up. I needn’t have worried; the pill put me to sleep for exactly one hour. I have extra-strength insomnia it seems.
This Ramadan has been a test. It is difficult and there are many moments that I’m convinced I cannot go on. And my body failed me by getting ill. I still have a learn and miles to go before I can call myself a good Muslim but this Ramadan I learned the landscape of hunger and thirst very well. I became intimately acquainted with the desperation that accompanies hunger; the depths a person will go to to absolve herself from this feeling of emptiness that pervades the very essence of a person. I am fortunate for I know that at the end of the day I will open my fast there will be, Subhan Allah, rizq, food, for me. But what of the person who doesn’t have the sweetness of that thought? Who doesn’t have the slightest idea when her next morsel of food will arrive and where it will come from? What does she do? How does she endure?
It is infinitely easy to look at the pictures of starving children and think of them in the abstract. Think of them as “others” and not you. This month showed me a bare glimpse of their lives and left me beyond humbled, beyond thankful for what I have. And what I can do. When you strip away a person’s ego, the person becomes an animal ruled by instincts, chief among them hunger. When hunger is in the driving seat, the masses will do anything to sate it. Are hungry people easier to control? No. And yes. Promise them food and they’ll do anything. I know I would. It’s tempting to think of yourself as beyond such actions but honestly, sincerely, no one is immune to hunger.
Okay, I didn’t intend to write that but I did. Let’s move on to lighter fare.
This past week due to the aforementioned illness (a cold), I didn’t read much. I didn’t even feel like reading. I have been sipping bits of Nescio and he sustained me. I have read 288 books in all forms and genres over the course of the year and given that it is still July, albeit almost mid-July, I’m feeling fairy comfortable at the pace I’m reading. The next few weeks are going to be full of middle grade books because August is younger readers month at the book wars and I’m feeling middle grade a lot at this moment. I’m also going to go back to The Luminaries and give it another try. Someone did say it picks up at page 300 so I’ll slog on. I should be done in about 2 years. Hee. (Cepacol isn’t working at all. *hacks out a lung*)
I was going to continue but I abruptly ran out of steam so must end it here. Till later.